There is nothing I want more than to bury my head under my covers, close my eyes, count to ten, and wait until the storm is over like I did when I was 3. But I’m not 3 anymore and the monsters don’t hide under my bed or reside in the confines of dystopian novels. They stand at a podium and spew hatred in the name of patriotism.
I woke up this morning to the sound of my mom in the kitchen and knew from the heaviness of her sighs that we did not take a step forward, but 10 steps back. I waited for a wave of emotion to wash over and drown me but it didn’t. I expected to feel the way I did after the 2016 election but I didn’t. I did not grieve my innocence nor lick my wounds. I simply felt the tears fall and laid back down.
I let the tears come when they wanted and focused on my tasks until my younger sister came down the steps. In her face and her broken voice, I saw and heard the cry of the youth who are watching people cheer for a future they don’t feel safe in. I saw in her face, myself in 2016, begging for answers from adults who were meant to protect us. Why is hatred, racism, and sexism not a deal breaker? How could you vote for this?
My sister, who rarely cries, breaking down and asking these questions ignited a fire in my bones. I no longer feel passive, tired, or hurt. I feel motivated, angry, and strong.
I am a Mexican-Peruvian bisexual woman with a permanent catheter and a chronic bladder condition. Today I will grieve with my communities who are scared of what is to come. I am scared too. I will hold their hands and tears with the care that they hold mine and tomorrow, I will ensure I stand taller than the small minded people who support someone like him. I have not backed down yet and I certainly will not now. There is too much at stake.
After the 2016 election, covert hatred, racism, and sexism became overt. We should expect it to become even more brazen now. We cannot allow this to become commonplace in our society because words are not just words despite what some might say. Words are powerful. Our voices are powerful. So be mindful of what you say and what you allow to be said. You cannot control what others say but you can control whether it is a safe place for them to say it.
Call people out. Question the intent of their words. Stand up for the communities you are mourning with today every single day. It is simply not enough to vote and fade into the background until the next election. We need to protect the most vulnerable in our everyday lives. We don’t need to start a fight or insult each other – we just need to make it clear that racism, sexism, homophobia, and ableism are not welcome in our circles.
My spirit was broken in 2016 but seeing the same brokenness in others is reminding me that I will live and thrive in spite of those who want nothing more than to see me fall. We will get through this but we need to do it together.
cmdreamer 